


The Flower(s) that Grow

by hyucklaugh



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: And Hui and Dawon too, Changgu and Hyunggu only briefly mentioned, Don't expect too much, Hanahaki Disease, I guess my love for jinhongseok is too big for me to write anything too angsty for them, Light Angst, M/M, With A Twist, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 13:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20817899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyucklaugh/pseuds/hyucklaugh
Summary: Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.What they didn’t wrote though, is the fact that the symptoms can be controlled.But how did he know this?Because he was experiencing it himself.





	The Flower(s) that Grow

**Author's Note:**

> Jinho and Hongseok belongs to themselves. The description of Hanahaki is taken from this link: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease But I made some additional info to support the storyline. Hope you can enjoy it!

**Hanahaki Disease** (**_花吐き病_** (Japanese); **_하나하키병_** (Korean); **_花吐病_** (Chinese)) is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from [one-sided love](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Pining). It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.

What they didn’t wrote though, is the fact that the symptoms can be controlled.

_If you can control or suppress your feeling and supporting the other person sincerely with all your heart, the flower will stop growing in your chest. But one needs to be careful because the flower is not gone, it’s just entering a hibernation phase, like some plants do during winter time. Once the feeling’s back, the flower will sprouting a new bud and continue to grow along with the feeling._

But how did he know this?

Because he was experiencing it himself.

\--

He remembers feeling under the weather that particular day.

The day after Hongseok joyfully announced that he is going out with a junior named Changgu. Hongseok had told him about a cute junior in his baseball club, but he paid no mind to that, because Hongseok always thinks _everyone _is cute.

But Changgu would be Hongseok _first _boyfriend, so he should’ve paid more attention.

He was going home alone that day, since Hongseok has an after school date planned with Changgu.

“You looked a little pale hyung, you sure you can go home by yourself? But you don’t seem to have a fever though,” he said while checking Jinho’s forehead. “Should I drop you off first?”

Jinho frowned at this. “I’m fine, and no I don’t need you to take me home. I don’t want you to be late on your first date. Don’t make me an asshole by ruining your date,”

Hongseok looked at him dubiously but didn’t probe him any further. “But promise me that you will drink plenty of water, eat a lot of food, and get enough rest once you got home okay?”

Jinho just rolled his eyes playfully at him and pushed him away. “Yes mom, now shush, you’re date is waiting for you now,”

He safely arrived home after that, his parents is still at work so he went straight to his room to get changed with the intention of going to sleep early already in mind.

What he didn’t expect though, for a petal of daisy to came out of his mouth.

He remembered looking confusedly at the single white petal on his palm. ‘Why did he coughed up a flower petal?’

But then it dawned on him.

_‘... the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from [one-sided love](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Pining)_ _.’_

So that can only means one thing.

He’s in love with his best friend.

\--

Deep down, somewhere in his heart, in a part so carefully hidden that even his mind was tricked into thinking that he only saw Hongseok platonically, he already knew that he loves his best friend.

But he didn’t realized that it was there until someone pointed it out.

And that someone happened to be Hongseok’s first boyfriend that made him finally realized his feeling for Hongseok.

Just like what happened during his first bike riding, when he fell from his bike and scraped his knees, but he didn’t feel any pain until he went home and his mother was practically gushed over his wounds that he finally realized how _painful _it was.

Some things are like that. You think there’s nothing, until someone pointed out that there’s actually _something_ there.

\--

He felt hollow and empty after that realization.

His mind was screaming at him to cry, to scream, to hate the fate that falls upon him because flower petals can only mean bad endings for him. If he confess, Hongseok would only reciprocates his feeling out of pity, and that won’t solve the problem. If he didn’t, he will suffer from the unrequited love and ended up dying. There’s an option for operation too, but only thinking about that already made him scared.

_But what if he can stop the feeling before it can continue growing?_

_What if it’s only a fleeting feeling he feels because he thinks his best friend will be taken away from him? And that it will be gone the next time he meet Hongseok because he’s sure seeing him happy is already enough for him?_

_What if the flower can stop growing if there’s no hopeful feeling to feed it? _

He came with a determination that he should, and _can _ stop the feeling before it grows into something bigger and become a disaster for the both of them.

That particular thought is the one that finally break him down.

_How could a love be a disaster like this? _

He’s sure it would make Hongseok sad and broke his heart if he ever found out that Jinho is suffering because of him. And seeing him sad is the thing Jinho hate _the most_.

_He had to stop this._

\--

He didn’t coughed up any more petals after that.

Which leads him to believe that it _really _is only a fleeting feeling he feels towards his best friend, that it can be erased since he can support Hongseok going out with another person sincerely from the bottom of his heart. As long as Hongseok is happy then it’s _fine_ for him.

But boy how he was wrong.

The day Hongseok came to him looking so defeated and dejected is the day when the next wave of white petals came stumbling out from his mouth. Hongseok was telling him that he broke up with Changgu because turned out he’s not the one for Changgu, that he’s just someone Changgu thought could replace Yanan, a childhood friend that he loved for a long time. He had given up on Yanan when he went to China a few years ago, but turned out Yanan harbored the same feeling for him and now he’s back in Korea to take Changgu’s heart back.

He immediately pulled Hongseok into a hug and whispered in his ear that it’s okay, that he’s going to find someone else soon.

He coughed up some white petals while holding Hongseok in his arms. The petals ended up crushed down inside his tightly balled fist. Hongseok shouldn’t see these personification of his feeling.

\--

The thing with Hongseok is, he never single for longer than a few weeks.

Maybe it’s just his tendency to attract people and to make them fall for him easily.

Which is both a bless and a curse for Jinho.

Because with the new relationship he had, Jinho was sincerely happy for him. How can he not, when Hongseok looked absolutely ethereal with the way he radiates with happiness everytime he announced to Jinho that he’s going out with someone. And somehow, the petals also stopped coming up.

But with Hongseok, broke up seemed unavoidable too.

And it always leads up to Jinho coughing up white petals, but thankfully always in a time and place hidden from Hongseok’s eyes.

It happened the second time with Dawon.

The third time with Hwitaek.

The fourth time with Hyunggu.

And it happened a few times more until Jinho lost count of it.

But deep down he knew, the reason why the flower keeps coming back everytime Hongseok announced his break up is because in the deepest part of his heart, he still has hope that someday, Hongseok will finally look at him.

That someday, Hongseok will finally realized that it’s always Jinho who’s there for him, in his ups and downs. It’s always Jinho who waits with open arms everytime he has to accept the bitter reality fate has thrown at him. It’s always Jinho who held him tenderly, as if he’s some fragile china pieces that will break at single touch, it’s always Jinho who will hug him tight enough to glues his broken pieces together.

But he’s also scared.

_What if the time won’t give him the pleasure to wait until that time come?_

\--

“I wonder what did I do wrong hyung. Why does it seemed like I’ll never gonna find someone who’s destined for me for the rest of my life?”

Jinho just glanced briefly at him and continue looking at his notes. They are in the dining room in their shared apartment, with Jinho studying for his upcoming test and Hongseok slumped down on the dining table with his face hidden on his folded arms. Jinho tighten his hold on the pen in his hand. “You’ll find someone else soon. Just like how you did before,”

_Have you ever stop for a while to see that maybe the one you’re looking for is here all along?_

“But it seemed like every relationship I had so far just never worked out,” he sighed frustatedly while finally looked up at Jinho. “Do you think it’s because I lacked something hyung?”

At this, Jinho finally looked away from his notes and look at the man in front of him.

_You’re already perfect for me._

“Well, appearance wise, you certainly didn’t lack anything. You’re smart and easy to be with also. Maybe it’s your lame dad jokes and punes?”

“Hey, my jokes are not lame, it always made Hyunggu laughs!”

Jinho stared unimpressedly at him.

“Hyunggu basically laughs at everyone and everything,”

“Okay that might be true but I still don’t think that my jokes are lame thank you very much,” he said sulkily. “Maybe it’s something I do or didn’t do?”

“How would I know that? I never experienced it,” he said bitterly.

Jinho immediately shut his mouth. Shit, he accidentally let his true feeling out.

But thankfully that didn’t seemed to bother Hongseok. In fact, it looked like Hongseok just got an idea in his mind. It looks as if an imaginary lamp just went off beside his head.

Jinho has a feeling that it’s not something he’d like.

“I knew it! Maybe that’s where I lack. I didn’t have enough experience,” he said while looking at Jinho with his rounded eyes.

“But you already has _so _many experience dating even I lost count of how many exes you had so far,”

“Hey, it’s actually not _that _many, but you see, the relationship I had never last for more than a few weeks, so how could I know where did I do wrong? Maybe there’s really something I need to fix but there’s just never enough time to find out about that,”

Jinho looked hesitantly at him. He has a bad feeling about this. “Then what are you planning to do?”

“Be my boyfriend hyung!”

_Deg!_

Jinho thinks his heart just _dropped _to his stomatch.

“Your boyfriend?” Jinho repeated dumbly.

Hongseok hurriedly corrects himself after seeing the change in Jinho’s expression. “I mean, be my practice boyfriend?”

Ouch.

That kinda _hurts_.

“Yes hyung! Don’t you think it’s a good idea? So I will know where did I lack and what did I do wrong? Would you help me hyung? Please?”

Damn. Hongseok is looking at him pleadingly with his big, round eyes while cupping both of his hands in front of his chest. Reminded him so much of Puss in Boots he uses as his phone wallpaper.

Before he can say anything, Hongseok beats him to it.

“Please hyung? For me?”

He knows he’s fighting a losing battle. There’s no way he can say no to Hongseok. He can _never _say no to Hongseok, who was he kidding. Hongseok really has him wrapped around his finger.

He sighed dejectedly at him. “Okay, I’ll help. But make sure to be a good boyfriend for me,” he said while glaring at the man in front of him. Hongseok threw his hands in the air and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Thanks hyung, you’re always the best!”

Jinho didn’t say anything at this. He _couldn’t _say anything.

His throat constrict painfully. He coughed once, and then there’s white petals scattered on his waiting palm.

But Hongseok didn’t know this. He was too blinded by his joy to notice how the small man in his arm is suffocating from the flower that grows inside of him, how he almost _couldn’t _breath. How the same hand that grips his shirt tightly while shaking also hiding the cursed petals of his love.

If only he knows.

\--

The next morning, the air around them seemed to change.

It’s small, but still noticeable.

The way Hongseok looked at him tenderly.

_As if_ he is someone precious for Hongseok.

_As if_ he is the only one Hongseok can see.

_As if_ he is that one person Hongseok will try his damnest hard to give everything he needed and _even_ more, the one that would make him sacrifice even his life for, the one Hongseok _is_ willing to die for.

But he knows he’s _not_ that person.

The flower stem is piercing his heart painfully.

“Good morning,” Hongseok greeted him while kissing his cheek softly.

“Good morning,” he mumbled as a response. Hongseok guided him to sit at the dining table after that.

“What is your plan for today?” he asked while flipping the omelette on the pan.

“Nothing special, just class until 4. Why?”

Hongseok clapped his hand happily at this. “Perfect! I planned to take you out for dinner tonight. As commemoration for our new relationship,” he said while grinning at him.

And it just made Jinho questioning his decision last night.

What had he done in his previous life that God decided to punish him like this?

\--

Hongseok asked him what did he lacks the previous night, but there is absolutely _nothing_ he lacks of, Jinho found out tonight.

He’s such a perfect boyfriend that it _hurts_.

He knows exactly what Jinho likes and what his preferences are and what he will enjoys the most.

He knows how Jinho don’t like crowds, how Jinho likes home tasted meals, how he loves to enjoy his favorite music in silent, how he’s head over heels in love with anything Harry Potter related.

And that’s what makes it hurts even _more_. 

Because this perfect Hongseok is the reason why he should feel _really _jealous to his previous boyfriends. This is the one thing that he had missed all this time.

And now that he finally had the taste of it, how could he expect himself to let him go later?

Hongseok kissed him tenderly that night. On the floor in the far corner among Harry Potter books that scattered around them, hide away from any prying eyes.

Jinho has to swallow back the petals that threatened to break free from his lips.

Hongseok should _not _know.

But how _long _can he keeps it a secret? 

\--

Hongseok will pick him up after class when he has no part time job for the day.

He will take him out to the park and walk with him and just holds his hand inside his coat pocket while telling him about his day.

He will take him to cat or dog cafes and just lets him play while he sits in the corner because of his allergy.

He will accompany him to music store when he usually lost track of time and even forgot that he’s coming with his supposed boyfriend. He would snap from his thoughts with apologies already at the tip of his tongue, but Hongseok would just dismissed him and said to just enjoy his time while they’re here.

He will kiss him softly, tenderly during their dates, but he will also kiss him hard until he’s breathless in the safety of their apartment.

With all of this, how could he not fall deeper for him?

The more he found out about how perfect Hongseok is, while at the same time the more he realized that there’s _absolutely_ no chance for him to be the one for Hongseok, the petals also seemed to grow in intensity.

Seemed like the growth of the flower is correlated with how he drowns deeper for Hongseok each passing day.

The last time it happened, the petals are scattered all over his bathroom floor. And this time, the white was accompanied by red. His blood paints the petals prettily, but it also reminded him that he didn’t have much time left.

He needs to end this.

It’s best to end it before it became too much, it’s best to break it up with Hongseok now because he might be hurt from this, but Jinho sure he will get over it soon.

Jinho is sure he will find someone else to replace him soon. Someone better who didn’t have flower growing in their heart. Someone who can give him what he wants and what he needs, instead of leaving him with a hole in the shape of a flower inside their heart.

Jinho just wants him to be happy, but it’s still hurts to think that he can never be the one who will make him happy.

\--

But maybe Jinho is taking his time for granted.

He keeps delaying to break it up with Hongseok. He was lulled by the happiness that he forgot that the petals wouldn’t wait for him.

It’s ironic, how the place he thought is the safest for him, is also the place where Hongseok witnessed the petals stumbling out from his mouth like waterfalls.

He coughed up so many petals and blood that it ended up painted their floor in beautiful red and white. 

And Hongseok’s panicked expression is the last thing he remembers before everything went black.

\--

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with a white ceiling and a distinct smell of disinfectant.

He was at the hospital.

But there’s something... wrong.

His chest felt empty and hollow. Just like that particular day when he found out about the disease.

And then it dawned on him.

He shot up suddenly and clutched his chest tightly.

_Did someone removed the flower?_

But he can still _feel _the love for Hongseok in his chest.

Didn’t they said that the feeling will gone with the removal of the flower? But he can still feel it, the fluttering feeling in his stomach accompanied by the twist in his heart everytime he thinks about Hongseok’s beautiful smile. The only difference is the fact that he couldn’t feel the piercing feeling of the flower’s stem in his chest anymore. 

So what happened?

Someone opened the door of his hospital room when he’s still deep in thought.

It’s Hongseok.

He’s walking straight to his bed with an unreadable expression on his face and then pulled Jinho into a tight hug. He held him so tight as if afraid that Jinho will gone in the next second. He was shaking so hard it left Jinho loss for words and confused.

When Jinho feels a slight wetness on his shoulder he finally forced Hongseok to let him go and cupped his cheek while looking straight at his face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly while wiping Hongseok’s tears.

This is not the first time he saw Hongseok cry, but didn’t mean that it will make it easier. It always pained him to see Hongseok broke down like this.

Hongseok didn’t say anything, he only reached for a box on Jinho’s bedside table. He lets his hand falls to his lap. He was too occupied with his thoughts that he didn’t realized that it was there all along. When Hongseok opened the box, he really wouldn’t have guessed what was inside.

It’s full of flower petals.

But instead of white, it was pink in color. Pink rose petals to be exact.

He stared confusedly at Hongseok.

Hongseok reached for his hands and held it gingerly in his hands.

“It was mine. Well, _used_ _to be _mine, but it’s gone now,”

_It was Hongseok’s? But it’s gone? Does that means he likes someone and that someone reciprocated his feeling?_

He feels tears started to gather in his eyes.

As if reading what was in his mind, Hongseok answered it with something even more surprising. “It was from my feeling for you,”

Jinho snapped his head up at him so fast he thought his neck might break. “For me?” he repeated in confusion.

“Yes, you heard it right hyung. The flower grew from my feeling for you,” he said while stroking Jinho’s hand tenderly. “It started to grow on our first date, when I realized that I had fall for you. I tried to hide it, because I know how sad it would make you feel if you ever found out about my feeling and couldn’t reciprocate it. But imagine how surprised I was when you coughed that many petals on our carpet. I thought I will lose you hyung,” he said while tightening his grip on Jinho’s hands.

Hongseok continued on. “I was really shocked. I brought you to the hospital immediately after that. Bad thoughts keep on coming while I wait outside when they checked you up. I blamed myself for not knowing that you were suffering all this time pretending to be my boyfriend, while you like someone else. But then I realized that I can’t feel the flower growing in my chest anymore. But how could that be? The flower will gone if the other person reciprocate my feeling only, or if I choose to removed it through operation, which I didn’t. Then it dawned on me. The reason why the flower is gone is because my feeling was reciprocated. That you also has the same feeling for me,”

Jinho didn’t believe what he just heard.

“But if that’s the case my flower should’ve stopped growing on our first date right? But it kept on growing and even gets worse as time passed by,” he said while clutching the bed sheet tightly.

“I was confused too at first. But it seemed like this disease is not only about flowers that grow from unrequited feelings. It can also grows from the feeling of hopelessness someone might feel when they thought the one they love will not return the feeling. Even if both parties has the same feeling, the flower will continue to grow as long as the feeling kept hidden and unknown to them. So in order to stop it, one needs to get the love returned and acknowledged,”

Jinho didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. So he’s not gonna die?

“And I guess that since the flower is gone from my chest, does that mean we can start over as REAL boyfriends this time?”

And he can also continue being Hongseok’s boyfriend? And for real this time?

Hongseok didn’t need to ask twice. Jinho tearfully screamed “Yes!” with all his might and launched himself to Hongseok’s waiting arms. 

They might have started with painful flowers growing inside their chest, but he’s sure there’s gonna be flowery road waiting for them in the future.

\--

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I love Jinho, I really do, but why did I keep on making him suffer in my fics? T.T 
> 
> I tried to make a heavy angst with this one but my love for jinhongseok just kind of holding me back so... 
> 
> Once again, sorry for any typos and grammar mistakes. And comments and critics are very much appreciated :)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
